[piano, drums: vaudeville]
[chicken clucking]
[continues]
[spits]
[scattered clapping]
[drumroll]
[whistles]
- ♪ I'm Harry ♪ - ♪ I'm Walter ♪
♪ It's wonderful to be here ♪
♪ We guarantee to put a smile On every face we see here ♪
- ♪ I'm Walter ♪ - ♪ I'm Harry ♪
♪ The billing doesn't matter ♪
- ♪ A team ♪ - ♪ A set ♪
- ♪ A pair ♪ - ♪ If I'm the former ♪
♪ I'm the latter ♪
♪ We sing, we dance, wear baggypants And a million disguises ♪
♪ Light of foot, sleight ofhand full of ♪
♪ Surprises ♪
- [softly] Boy, they're cold today. - ♪ I'm Harry ♪
♪ You're Walter And now it's time to say ♪
♪ Maestro, take it away ♪
- Hey! - Gimme a bag!
What's the matter?
There was a chicken in my bag.
[continues]
- ♪ You've ♪ - [bird squawking]
I think we got the goose.
[both muttering]
♪ Got ♪
♪ The right river but the wrong boat ♪
♪ The right mountain but the wrong goat ♪
♪ You've got the right kind ofpaddle But the wrong canoe ♪
♪ The right ocarina but the wrong kazoo ♪
♪ You've got the right alley But the wrong cat ♪
♪ The right belfry but the wrong bat ♪
♪ The right welcome but the wrong mat ♪
♪ But buddy it helps to recall ♪
♪ Nobody's perfect ♪
♪ Nobody at all ♪
[clunk]
♪ Nobody's perfect ♪
♪ Nobody at all ♪
- ♪ I'm Harry ♪ - ♪ I'm Walter ♪
♪ Ready, set, go ♪
♪ Let's get on with the ♪
♪ Let's get on with ♪
♪ The show ♪
[fingers snap] Hands.
Mm-hmm. Very nice.
That's better. Good.
Mm-hmm. Yes.
Perkins. Mm-hmm. Mmm.
[violins tuning up]
Marie, now what have I told you about reading that rubbish?
I wasn't reading it, Mr. Worth. I was just looking at your picture.
- It's nice, isn't it? - Yes, isn't it?
Mr. Worth.
Ah, good morning, George. Has my guest arrived?
He's at your table, Mr. Worth.
[classical]
You're looking a little peaked this morning, George.
- Feeling all right? - Champion, Mr. Worth. Just champion.
Ah, Mr. Crisp.
How nice to see you.
George, do you think you might bring us some of Henri's blueberry muffins?
I didn't come here to dine.
Is it the door? It 'tis, isn't it?
It's the damage we did to the door of your bank.
I take full responsibility.
I insist that you send the bill for repair to my attorney.
I'm touched by your generosity, Mr. Worth.
Deeply touched.
But Mr. Mosler of the Mosler Safe Company has seen to it...
that our bank is now invulnerable.
- Oh? - Let's get on with it.
- As you wish. - You have my securities?
I propose the standard arrangement that we enjoy...
[violins falter]
That we enjoy with every bank president here in New York.
Naturally, we keep the cash.
We return the securities to you for 15 cents on the dollar.
The one question that remains is how much of a fee you yourself require.
Are you suggesting I bamboozle my own board of directors?
Bamboozle? What a quaint phrase.
I realize, of course, that you've incurred certain expenses,
traveling here to retrieve your securities,
but then I had to go all the way to Massachusetts to rob your bank.
And you're going back. But this time you're going to jail.
I beg your pardon?
Arrest him! He's got the securities!
Adam Worth, you're under arrest for the robbery
of the Commercial Bank and Trust Company in Lowell, Massachusetts.
[laughs]
Sergeant O'Reilly.
- Is that revolver loaded? - Oh, it 'tis, sir.
Well, put it away before you hurt yourself.
But I can't.
He can't, Adam, because I'm here.
Billy Gallagher, detective extraordinary.
In the flesh.
But Billy, this is New York.
And this is a Boston bench warrant for your arrest.
I'm afraid you underestimated Mr. Crisp, Adam.
He called me and me company because he knows
that you own every cop in New York.
All right, officer.
- I can't tell you how sorry I am. - [Worth] Don't feel badly, O'Reilly.
Contact my attorney and have him cancel my steamer ticket.
- [sniffles] - Please don't cry, Marie.
I'm sorry, Mr. Worth. There was nothing I could do.
Here, George. Cheer up.
And for the love of God, get yourself a new orchestra.
Mr. Crisp, whatever has become of gentlemanly manners?
Gentlemanly manners!
You are a thief, Mr. Worth.
Perhaps this will teach you not to fool with Rufus T. Crisp!
It will teach me to be a little less lenient with you next time, sir.
There won't be a next time for you, Mr. Worth.
- You'll be behind bars. - [chuckles]
We shall meet again, Mr. Crisp. You can bank on it.
What now, oh, fantastic woman of the east?
What is it that I hold in my hand?
[moans]
I see...
I see a small, round object.
A locket.
- A beautiful locket. - [audience murmuring]
A locket. Ladies and gentlemen, a locket.
And a beautiful one!
Here you are, my sweet. How old are you?
- [whispers] Twenty-one. - I'll meet you in a half hour.
Lovely child. Bless you.
Now, who else? Who else would care to challenge the mystical gifts...
- of the great Madame Rabina? - [man] Right here!
[Harry] I don't care, it matters not to the madame.
Anyone at all? Oh, very well.
[man] She ain't gonna guess that.
Oh, great woman of the east.
What is it now that I hold in my hand?
- Oy-y-y-y! Spirits. Come down. - Arrest them, officers!
Please, please, please, the madame needs complete silence.
- Sha! Sha! - Hold on a minute.
I walked in here with $30, and I walked out with 20.
These chiselers stole ten dollars out of my wallet!
Officers, if you don't mind. Would you please, please keep this man quiet?
- He's disturbing the spirits. - Hey, wait a minute!
Some of my money's missing!
Excuse me! I can clear this confusion immediately.
- [Harry] Where were you sitting, sir? - Right here.
Right here. I'm sure that if you look under your seat
you will find exactly what it is that you are missing.
Please, if everyone would look directly under their seats,
I'm sure we can clear up this confusion.
Way under. And run, Walter!
- Hey! Hey! - And help me find the missing money.
Harry, you promised. You promised!
My father, the sheikh, will have you trampled by camels!
I never saw that man before in my life. He's not a prince.
- You're stepping on my dress. - We're gonna get through early tonight.
[whistle blowing, bell clanging]
[everyone shouting]
[playing a march]
All right, let's move it!
[clamoring]
[guard] Let's move up these steps here. Come on. Come on!
Keep it going. Let's go.
Come on. Get off of there. Let's go.
[disappointed groans]
[music stops abruptly]
Harry, I just want you to know how much I appreciate everything you've done for me.
- That's all right. - It's not all right, Harry!
Shut up, both of ya. Come on, that means move!
[man shouting] Here he comes!
[music starts again]
[train whistle blows]
Good morning, everybody! Good morning, good morning.
Good morning.
Thank you all so much for coming out to see me. I do appreciate this.
Hey, Adam! How many safes have you blown?
Obviously one too many, or I wouldn't be here, would I?
[crowd laughs]
- That's Adam Worth! - Who?
- Adam Worth. - Thank you for coming along to see me.
Hello, little lady. Let me give you an autograph here. There we are.
What a pretty hat you have there. Hello, sunshine.
Good morning, darling. I'm overwhelmed by the reception.
- Would you like a picture, sir? - Yes, sir.
Stand back. Put the flag down.
Here we are.
[crowd clamoring]
Mr. Worth, I'm Warden Durgom.
Quiet, please. Quiet.
- Who are you? - Warden Durgom, sir.
How courteous of you to welcome me personally.
As soon as I'm settled in, we'll have a chat.
If you'll excuse me for a moment.
Good-bye, ladies.
I'll see you all again...
[onlooker gasps]
[crowd murmuring]
The moment that visiting privileges...
[man] Move back. Give her some air.
...can be arranged.
The trouble with you and me, Walter, is that we're thinking too small.
The only trouble with you and me, Harry, happens to be you.
- [Worth] Good-bye, Leary. - Me? Oh.
All right, you two loudmouths. Out of line.
- Oh, we weren't saying— - Move it! Out of line!
My advice is just not to mix with the general population.
- Come right this way, please. - [prisoner] Warden.
Get back! Hey!
Trouble. He almost got us that time. We gotta be very careful on this ward.
No kindness can you extend at all. Give 'em an inch, and they take a foot.
Nickel-and-dimers, like I told you before.
Just step this way, and everything'll be okay.
Good morning.
Walter, today could be the luckiest day in our lives. Believe me.
How do you do it, Adam?
It must be extremely difficult for you here.
[spits] Difficult?
It's an absolute nightmare. My silver lobster forks have gone.
The mildew on the walls is destroying my draperies.
And I haven't once bathed in truly hot water since I arrived here.
- Would you like a cigar, sir? - Oh, thank you.
Try the, uh, quail eggs, Jack.
[explosion]
And something has got to be done about the noise from that damned nitro detail...
in the rock quarry!
- More brandy, Warden? - Thank you, no, sir.
I have pressing duties at the gate.
The eats was magnificent.
I particularly was taken with those... little chickens.
[coughs] Mr. Chatsworth, it was nice to meet you, sir.
It was likewise.
Excuse me, sir.
Would you care for us to clear the dishes now?
Later, Harold.
Right now, Mr. Chatsworth and I would appreciate a bit of privacy.
Come back in an hour.
Did you try the quail eggs, Jack?
Uh, excuse me, sir.
Would that be in the icehouse with the wine, sir?
Would what be in the icehouse with the wine?
Privacy, sir.
Good-bye, Harold.
Right. Walter.
I thought they'd make a nice change from the gulls' eggs.
They're so large. Just— Just try one.
[dishes clatter]
This is for later, Mr. Worth.
Good-bye, Walter.
[chuckling] Adam, where'd you find those two oafs?
Oh, they're not oafs, Jack.
They would require practice to become oafs.
[door clangs shut]
- Did you bring the plans? - Right here.
You know, I stood right there with Spangler while he drew them from memory,
12 hours after he'd burned the original.
[laughs]
Imagine, Mosler's own designer selling us the blueprints
of the Crisp invulnerable bank.
Marvelous. Exquisite.
Come over here, Jack.
- And all from memory? - Mm-hmm.
Brilliant. Take the other side of the picture, Jack.
You did give him the $20,000, didn't you?
With my own hands.
And now he's probably halfway to Tahiti.
The man's an artist. A true artist.
They are beautiful. There's no denying.
But you know, Adam, $20,000 is a lot of money...
to be investing in revenge.
Revenge, Jack?
You don't really think that I would stoop to anything as petty as revenge, do you?
That guy just stole my hair.
Back.
[guard] I keep the wrong door. It's a joke, Jack. See ya.
[chuckles]
I wish you'd be a little more careful with the hair, Harry.
I found a lock of it in my soup last night.
Keep your soup away from my hair.
[blowing]
Hey.
What do you think of our new ad?
"Special. A lock of hair from the head of Adam Worth, the emperor of thieves.
Souvenir buttons from his shirts—" da, da, da.
"All for 25 cents. Hurry, hurry, hurry."
You oughta be ashamed, Harry. Ashamed.
Never mind. We got a business to run.
Um, Walter, my, uh— my eyes are very tired.
Could, uh— could you read this for me, please?
"Dear Mr. Worth. I want to be just like you when I grow up,
so I broke into my big brother's piggy bank and stole 25 cents
to send to you for your picture.
Sincerely, Fred Dooley. Age 12, writ by hand."
- Ah, that's beautiful. - It's criminal, Harry.
One genuine autographed picture coming up for little Fred Dooley.
Give him a good button, Harry.
Is that nice?
Difficult? Maybe impossible.
But the challenge, Mr. Crisp, is irresistible.
Hey, Walter. What do you think, huh?
[whispering] Will you take that off? He's gonna kill us, Harry!
Stop it! He's studying them diagrams. Stop it.
Harold, Walter, come in here!
- Mr. Worth? - At your service, sir.
Would you call this glass clean?
No.
I'm sorry, sir.
- Uh, we'll have it shined right up. - Yes, sir.
Why don't you shine it on your jacket?
Oh! Oh, he was just trying this on for size, sir.
- It's a beautiful garment. - Yes, sir.
I noticed that last week— last week when you had it on, sir, uh,
it was a little snug, and I thought if I just moved the buttons just...
Speaking of buttons.
What's happened to all the buttons on my shirts?
Buttons? Uh, sir...
Oh, it must be the laundry, sir.
They've been— They're very...
The laundry.
Lord knows, I spoke to them, sir. I'm sure that they're not hand...
Used to handling fancy shirts like that, sir.
I'll speak to them. I'll speak to them right away.
And you, uh, take care of that. I'm sorry for him, sir.
[Walter] Polish this right up, sir.
You're a bit of a Jack of all trades, aren't you, Harold?
Butler, waiter, tailor.
Uh... singer.
Dancer, comedian.
You're not going to start all that singing and dancing again, are you?
Sir, if you'd just give us one chance.
I'm gonna get this silverware...
- And really polish it up. - Just one chance. No!
This— This man is so good.
He, uh— He can do anything that, um,
Eddie Foy or Tony Pastor can do, and better, sir.
If you'd give us that one chance.
I'm gonna dust in the bedroom, sir.
H-He's shy. Very shy.
And all great artists are very, very shy, sir.
Not all, Harold.
- Whoa. - Thank you very much.
God, can that man pick 'em.
Miss Chestnut, I presume?
You presume correctly. And you?
My name is Durgom. I'm the warden. Captain O'Meara.
Hello, Captain O'Meara. How are you?
You're here to see Adam Worth.
Yes, yes. I have an appointment.
- Who's he? - Oh, he takes pictures.
Jesus.
You're planning to spend the evening?
[chuckles] Oh. Um...
Mr. Durgom, I am a newspaper woman.
I came here to interview Adam Worth, not to entertain him.
[piano]
♪ You've ♪
♪ Got the ♪
♪ Dah, dah, dah, dah, dah dah, dah ♪
[vocalizing continues]
Big ending now. Then I'm going to sax.
♪ Nobody's perfect ♪
♪ Nobody ♪
- ♪ I'm Harry ♪ - ♪ I'm Walter ♪
♪ Ready, set, go ♪
♪ Let's get on with the Let's get on with the ♪
♪ Let's get on with— ♪
That's enough, boys. The audition is over.
- Sir, there's just a little bit more. - No there isn't, Harold.
- Right. - Please come in.
Mr. Worth, may I present Miss Chestnut from...
The Advocate.
Miss Chestnut. Thank you for your charming letter.
I have been looking forward to your visit.
Oh, well, thank you, Mr. Worth. My!
My, my, my, my, my.
I see that, uh, you have your own private cell.
Um, your own personal belongings.
And, uh, even your own entertainment.
A meager effort to rehabilitate these poor young men, I'm afraid.
But thank you for noticing.
Uh, yes, this is my assistant, Mr. Lewis Hopkins.
I was, uh— I was just wondering if he might take, um...
A few photographs while we talk.
Of course.
You may leave now, Mr. Durgom.
Yes, sir. If there's anything else you need, let me know.
Certainly.
My goodness, Mr. Worth. Even your own warden.
A lonely man in an underpaid job, Miss Chestnut.
- [door clangs shut] - Let us not judge him too harshly.
Hold it.
My next question is, why should— if you don't mind my saying...
A handsome, cultivated millionaire...
continue to steal for no apparent purpose?
No purpose?
Do you know what it's like to break into a bank at 2:00 in the morning?
No.
Every pore in your body
tingles with the possibility of failure...
The danger of being caught.
- Less danger. Right. - Hold it!
[door clangs]
They're coming, Harry! Harry, they're coming.
[Worth conversing, indistinct]
Ah, refreshments.
Yes, uh, Walter, would you kindly open the champagne, please?
And, uh, two very nice clean glasses, sir.
Excellent.
Carve the lemon and the onion, Harold.
Right.
My readers will be pleased to know
that you are still in possession of so much of your hair.
[Worth] Oh? Do they think I've lost it?
Surely they are concerned, considering the recent sale of so many of your
locks of hair as the result of the advertisement.
Oh! Oh!
- Oh, sir! - You stupid oaf!
I ought to have you flogged!
[all shouting]
I'll get a towel, sir.
You'll take your shirt off and take it off right now!
No, he will do no such thing!
How dare you talk to that man as if he were your slave!
Miss Chestnut,
I'd appreciate it if you'd allow me to control my servants as I see fit!
No!
Young man, young man, what is your name?
- What is your name, young man? - Walter!
- Walter. - Walter Hill.
Walter Hill.
Yes, and I'm Harry. I'm Harry Dighby.
Harry Dighby. Hill and Dighby.
Well, Dighby and Hill. The billing doesn't matter.
- Mr. Hill. Walter. - Walter.
When you— Wait.
Here is a copy of our newspaper.
Now, when you and your friend are released from this penitentiary,
I want you to come to New York City, because we at the Advocate
will help you to find a new direction to your lives!
Now, Mr. Worth,
if you would care to show me the remainder of your highly erot...
your highly exotic lodgings, I would be deeply appreciative,
as I have a train to catch.
Well? Well?
Calmly, calmly, Miss Chestnut.
Yes.
Calmly, calmly. This way, please.
- This way. - Clean it up.
You stupid. You're stupid!
[Worth] This, as you can see, is the bathroom.
[Worth continues, indistinct]
What?
Get the camera. Get the camera.
- Harry, what— - Bring it over here.
Why?
Hurry. Set it up, set it up.
[Chestnut] Oh, silver!
What, you want to take a picture?
What are you gonna take a picture of, Harry?
Of that.
Are you crazy?
- He'll kill us! - He will if we don't hurry!
Load this flash thing. Put a lot of that stuff in there.
- I want a clear picture. - You're gonna get us...
Why do you always argue with me when I try to be smart?
- He's gonna flog me. - Put a lot of it in there!
Hey, what is this thing?
That's to measure with. Come on, Harry.
Wait! Okay, perfect. Give me this.
[Chestnut] It's so lovely.
On the count of three, shoot this picture. Ready?
- Harry, let's not! - It's the chance of a lifetime.
Shoot when I tell a you.
One, two, three, shoot.
Oh!
It's on fire!
Get the champagne bottle! Open it up and aim! Hurry up.
- Harry. - Get the champagne.
[crashing]
Now what are they up to?
- Spray the champagne! - I can't get it open, Harry.
Oh, you're so slow! God, are we in trouble!
Put it out!
- That's it. More champagne! - [Walter] Are we in trouble?
Oh, my God.
He took a picture! He don't know how to take a picture!
You see, sir, he was taking a picture of me and he came too close.
He can take a very good picture, sir.
Get away from there!
Look!
Get outta here!
- We'd better go. - Get outta here, you!
Not you two!
You two, get out!
- It was an accident! - Quiet!
I will not be responsible for my actions if you don't get outta here!
Warden!
Mr. Durgom, get in here!
Is something wrong, Mr. Worth?
I need a favor, Mr. Durgom.
I want these two clods assigned to the nitro detail as soon as possible.
You mean permanently, sir?
No, Mr. Durgom. Not permanently!
Just until they die! Go!
[laughing] Come on, Harry. Come on!
Come on, Harry.
Take cover! Take cover!
Hey! hey, uh, excuse me? Excuse me!
Over there. Hey! Will you hold the fire, please?
There's a man hanging in the air here. Take it up.
Get it— That's good.
[laughing]
Stop this!
[yelping]
Come on, Harry! [laughing]
Harry. Harry. We got more. Let me show ya!
- Come on! - [guard] Back to work. Back to work.
Dangerous work, huh? [laughing]
Follow me!
Go ahead, Harry.
Take a look. Take a look.
Frozen nitro.
All right, Harry. Here's what you do, see.
You take this and grab that frozen lump.
You put it right down there, and you cut a great big chunk off, like that.
Then you take the chunk, see, and you put it in this.
And then you put that on the stove so it melts.
Then you grab this. I'll show ya. Watch.
Watch this. You got it in there, and then you go...
And you pour that right in there, real easy.
It's easy. Then you just take that...
and there it is.
Okay?
Good luck, Harry. You're gonna need it!
[laughs]
Cut off a chunk.
Pick it up.
[sizzling]
It's gonna blow! Oh, it's gonna blow!
[laughing]
You've got good reflexes, Harry. Let's see how good you do tomorrow.
Harry, what happened? I heard the explosion.
Watch it!
- They hurt you, Harry? - No. We're gettin' out of here.
I got nitro.
- Harry, you're insane. - Yeah.
I wasn't sure before, but now I'm positive. Help!
Shh! Ow! You bit me!
Yeah. That's not all I'm gonna do, Harry! Just leave me alone!
[muffled scream]
Don't you realize that if they kill me in that nitro shack,
tomorrow it's your turn?
Maybe not. I wrote a letter of apology to Adam Worth.
You think that's gonna change his mind?
Well, it's worth trying, isn't it?
No.
Look. Did we, or did we not get a picture of those plans?
Yes, we did. Burnt to a crisp.
Well, maybe not. I've been thinking about that.
Uh-oh.
Look. You work in that photography shop.
Now, that, uh... that thingamajig on the camera.
Yeah. That works pretty quick, doesn't it? Huh?
Well, maybe we got the picture before it was burnt.
And if we did... if we did,
and that picture is in the camera, and we can get ahold of the camera,
then we can be sitting in New York...
Sitting in New York, eating, uh, sweet caviar.
Drinking champagne out of goblets. Goblets.
Guard! There's a crazy man in this cell!
Shut up! Shut up!
Harry, you are insane.
You don't know the first thing about safe-cracking, Harry.
What's to that?
There's nothing to it. We can learn it in a minute.
Look, what is the difference between us and Adam Worth?
A few breaks! Those plans are worth a million bucks.
Oh, great. We can buy a couple of expensive suits to get buried in.
This is it, Walter. It's the big time.
No. The big time is Broadway, for me. I'm not a thief!
We're gonna get blown to pieces!
We'll discuss your career some other time.
Okay. Okay, okay.
So we get out of here, then what? We don't know anybody.
We don't have clothes. We don't even have train fare.
We know Lissa Chestnut.
That's true.
Yeah, so, you let me worry about the clothes.
You let me worry about the train fare. Huh?
What do you say, Walter?
- I'll think about it. - Oh, come on. Please, Walter.
"Please, Walter."
- Maybe. - Okay.
- [punch landing] - [groans]
Watch my pants! I got nitro, you idiot!
Guard! A man is dying in Cell Block Three!
- He's sick! - [prisoner] Quiet up there!
Guard, please! He's dying.
- You okay? - [moaning loudly]
- Please, hurry, guards! - Harry, you're a louse.
What's wrong?
The man suddenly took ill. Suddenly ill.
I don't know. Ow.
[groaning]
What's the matter with you?
I can't breathe.
[grunts]
We'll need these.
I only said "maybe," Harry.
Maybe's good enough for me. Come on.
Hold it. Hold it right there.
This is nitro.
I just— This is nitro!
Let's get outta here, Harry.
Captain! Captain! They got some nitro.
Nitro! [blowing whistle]
Careful, Harry. Don't fall with the nitro, Harry.
[guard blowing whistle]
[guard] Let's go!
Take that back. Let's go!
Let go of it. Come on. Let's go!
- Don't jiggle it. - I'm not jiggling it! I gotta run!
Who's jiggling it?
Just don't drop that, Harry.
I'm not dropping it.
- Don't jiggle that, Harry! - I'm trying.
Watch the coal, Harry. Don't drop it.
Oh! I'm slipping!
- Come on. - Don't drop it, Harry.
- [Walter] Harry! - Harry, Harry!
Walter, Walter! Hold it, hold it!
Harry, it'll explode. What are we gonna do now?
Put those guns down! Get off that wall!
They got nitro! Nitro!
We'll talk it out.
Get off! Get off! He's got nitro! Don't shoot!
Harry, don't dare him!
Come on! I dare him.
- [laughs] - Harry, don't!
Come on!
- We'll go back— - Come on!
Put me on a nitro detail, will ya?
- Don't threaten him. - Say, "I'm too smart."
- I'm too smart. - No! I'm too smart.
- You're too smart! - Watch this. Ha!
- No, don't! - Ha!
- Don't! - Harry!
- Whoa! - Sweet Jesus!
Well? Come on!
My hat!
What do you mean, your hat?
- I dropped my hat. - Your hat?
You stupid!
Watch the quarters!
Got 'em.
[dogs barking]
Those dogs are gonna find us, Harry.
If there's one thing I know, it's dogs. Just follow me.
- What do we do? - We'll throw 'em off.
Run around the tree. Rub your body on the tree.
Get 'em dizzy. Okay, come on.
Trust me, Walter. Come on.
- Harry, I'm hungry, Harry. - We'll eat later.
Come on.
They'll give us years, Harry!
Come on.
Harry, they're gonna catch us.
They've got snakes in the forest, Harry.
I'm scared.
Come on. Come on. Okay, this way. Walter?
Harry?
- Harry! - Walter?
- Harry? - Walter?
- Harry? Harry, I'm lost! - Don't panic!
- Harry? Harry? - Don't panic!
- I got lost. - Okay.
- I got lost in the corn. - Okay!
Shh. Let me explain something to you.
If I'm in the front, that means you...
[panicked screams]
I've never liked corn. Let's get outta here.
You're supposed to be behind me.
Don't holler at me, Harry.
If I'm leading, that means you follow.
If you follow— you know what I mean.
[barking]
A bicycle. We can use a bicycle.
Be careful.
Timing is everything.
We're dangerous! We escaped! We're convicts!
Run for your life.
Run!
Okay, let's go.
Harry, my legs are getting tired.
Don't worry.
When we get to Connecticut, it's mostly downhill.
- [grunts] - Attaboy.
Attaboy. Attaboy. Come on.
Here. Come on.
All these years, I told you I'd get you here, right?
Okay.
Beep, beep.
Hey! Thank you.
Watch out! Watch out.
Oh, look!
[yells]
Oh, gosh.
Oh! Get off me!
You all right? Come on.
We made it.
- Harry, we made it. We're here. - Where are we?
The Advocate, the People's Newspaper, Harry. 184 miles. We made it!
This is it? That's some newspaper.
You got the magnifying glass?
I think it's by the bed.
Lemon or milk?
- Well, both, if you have 'em. - Both.
I'm gonna take these off because they pinch my muscles.
Um, I'm so surprised. I'm really stunned to see you here.
How did you...
Well, you can imagine our surprise when, uh...
An hour after you left,
our parole came through, bang, like that.
More like "boom."
Boom, bang, what difference does it make?
[laughs]
We came as soon as we could, and so how can we best help you?
Oh! Uh, that's very thoughtful of you both.
It's just that I'm afraid we can't pay you anything.
Nothing at all.
- Oh, we don't care about money. - Oh, I mean, money. Money.
We came because, uh, we just...
wanted to put a new, uh, life in our direction, like you said.
- A new direction in our life. - That's what I said, Walter.
- It's wonderful. It's inspiring. - It's perfect.
It's perfect. Yes, it is. Here.
I want you to take a look at this, and I want you to tell me what you think.
Be honest. Think it'll sell?
"Adam Worth, penitentiary prince."
"Adam Worth."
Oh, boy, is he gonna be mad.
You have pictures of us in here!
Look at that, Harry.
- Yeah. - [laughs]
Oh, this is good publicity, Walter.
- You think so? - Yeah.
Excuse me. Lewis?
- You're terrific! - Oh, thanks.
They're wonderful.
- Sharp and clear. - Yes.
Where do you develop these?
I got my own darkroom.
- Here? - Yeah, right here.
- You're kidding. - No, no, I'll show you. Come on.
Come here.
Aw, it's a boy.
Yeah.
You do wonderful, wonderful work.
Thank you.
It's a... characteristic.
Well, a character study.
It's wonderful.
Oh, uh...
Lewis, what's this pile here?
- Oh, those are the rejects. - Uh-huh.
Your friend Walter took the worst one of 'em all.
He did? Which one was that?
Which one? The one that almost burned down the cell.
[chuckles]
I don't mean to be personal,
but you're not related to him, are you?
- No. - Oh.
This is the worst picture I've ever seen in my life.
Look at this.
It's just a bunch of crazy diagrams. The composition is terrible.
Look, the leg is cut off, your whole body's cut off.
[accordion]
[crowd cheers]
♪ Nobody's perfect ♪
♪ Nobody at— Extra, extra ♪
♪ The story of the year ♪
♪ Get your papers Get your papers ♪
♪ Get your papers ♪
♪ Right here ♪
- Paper! The Advocate! - Lewis Hopkins' photographs!
Corruption here in New York!
Walter, take a stack and spread 'em all over town.
When you've sold these, come back for more.
Listen. One per customer.
They'll buy anything that's one to a customer.
One to a customer.
- Paper. - Oh.
- What? - Look.
What's the matter, Harry? What?
- Shang Draper's. - Shang what?
Shang Draper's.
It's a restaurant.
Yeah. Do you know that right now the greatest cracksmen in the world
are sitting there, and they're, uh, lightin' cigars with C-notes.
That's the way they talk. C-note, that's a hundred.
- Oh, my God. - Who's that?
- Oh, my God. - [Walter] Who do you see?
Oh, my God.
Harry, what's the matter? Who do you see?
- That's piano Charley Bullard! - Who?
Charley Bullard. The diamond job in Paris!
Paris. That's Paris, France. That's— It's near Europe and Asia.
- So? - The— So?
The Charley diamond Bullard job in Paris, France!
Where are we going?
Oh. Sorry about that.
[murmuring greetings]
Mrs. Trumble, Mr. Trumble. Enjoy your meal.
Excuse me. I'd like, uh, a nice table by the window for two, please.
I'm afraid it's out of the question, sir. We are fully booked.
That's all right. We'll wait.
I'm afraid it would be at least two hours. Probably three.
Oh, well, I'll, uh...
see your three and raise you two.
Sir, this is Shang Draper's.
I'm not lookin' for directions, buddy. I just want a table.
One moment, sir.
And a nice one too. Right over there by the window.
Harry, isn't that Jack Chatsworth sitting over there?
- Jack— Where? - There, in the middle...
Don't point!
Harry, if I don't point, how am I gonna show you...
You describe it. You use the English language, like me.
May I help you, uh... gentlemen?
No. No, thanks.
Um, Jack! Jack Chatsworth!
- Harry— - How ya...
- How ya doin', buddy? - Christ, Harry!
You're friends of Mr. Chatsworth.
Oh, yeah.
I thought you'd never ask.
Right this way, gentlemen.
It's not— Not a window.
It's all right.
Thank you.
Are you trying to get us killed, Harry?
Relax. Adam Worth is safely tucked away in that prison.
Something from the bar, gentlemen? Would you like to look at the wine list?
Yes, thank you.
Here it is, sir.
Uh, some beer.
Beer.
Um...
Chateau Lafite-Rothschild, '79.
An excellent selection, monsieur.
Measurably. Oh, and, uh, excuse me. Would you send a bottle of the same
to Mr. Chatsworth's table with my compliments.
[waiter] Yes, sir.
And, uh, two large salads.
Very good, sir.
Harry, this must be a very expensive restaurant.
After we bust that bank,
we're gonna be eating lunch here for the rest of our lives.
You're crazy, Harry.
You've been saying that a long time, but, uh, here we are.
Thank you.
Walter, Walter, wait a minute. Put it down.
Have a little class. You gotta air it out. Air it out.
That's it. Okay, now.
Ah. Good luck.
- Ahhh. - Ah.
[tapping glasses]
[laughing] George.
Jack, how are you?
Great.
Thank you, ladies and gentlemen.
Thank you so much for such a wonderful welcome.
It's nice to be back among friends. How are you, Jack?
Adam, I was worried. You're late.
Now I understand why.
Nice to see you again, Miss Fontaine.
- Nice to see you too. - Please.
Red, you sit over there, will you please?
Waiter?
Adam, I believe you've met the young ladies.
Yes, quite some time ago, I think. Hello, hello.
Maybe he won't recognize us in these clothes.
Maybe.
Adam, I think you'd like to see this.
"Adam Worth, penitentiary prince."
He's looking at the newspaper now, the Advocate.
With the pictures of us and the pictures of him being the prince.
Eight pages of pictures and captions. Each one nastier than the last.
They even have a picture of those two idiots that burnt the plans.
That underhanded, conniving, delicious young lady.
- We gotta get outta here. - Where's the waiter?
I'd get out of here except for the stupid waiters!
Um... check, please.
- Anything wrong, sir? - No, please give me a check.
Thank you. Oh, hey, mister?
Mister? Sir, sir?
He's gonna give 'em the wine.
Excuse me, Mr. Chatsworth,
compliments of your friend at table seven.
Open it.
- Would you stop it? - They're looking right over here.
Stop it.
I haven't the slightest idea who they are.
Harry Dighby.
And Walter Hill.
Red.
I think it's time to go.
Wait a minute.
The fire.
A picture.
They took a picture.
[laughing] Brilliant.
Look, we'll stay in here till after dark.
You found the plans, didn't you, Harry?
No, no, no, no.
Look me in the eye and tell me you don't have the plans.
Right in the eye.
I don't have the plans.
I knew it, Harry! Please give him back the plans.
It'll be better than ten letters of apology.
Give him back...
Just keep remembering one thing: we're as good as Adam Worth.
You're gonna get us killed.
- I'm gonna get us rich. - You're gonna get us rich?
Yes. Let's just watch the show. Come on.
- [gasps] - Watch the cat.
- [growling] - Oh, it's a dog.
Harry, remember, I don't wanna see any of these people get hurt.
Hurt? We're gonna buy 'em a new press.
We'll buy 'em— We'll buy 'em a new paper, maybe the New York Times.
Whoop. Watch yourself. Watch yourself.
Shh, shh.
[steam hissing]
Oh, my God!
Harry, this is terrible.
- It looks like a big typhoid hit here. - Everything's wrecked.
Lissa? Lissa?
Excuse me, uh...
[laughing]
Charley, that is downright greedy.
The house is reimbursing me.
How are you doing in there? Are you doing all right?
- I lost everything. - Wh-What? Who's here?
Please. Ladies and gentlemen, one moment please.
Could I have your attention please?
In case their reputation has not preceded them,
may I introduce you to the most infamous new addition
to the ranks of the stellar underworld elite:
the Dighby, Hill, Chestnut ring.
Mr. Worth, if you would be so kind as to tell me
just what it is you want with us.
Please allow me to show you.
Sit on the corner of it, darling. This one.
Everybody find yourself a seat and make yourself comfortable.
Fill these ones up. Look, there's some empty ones here.
Now, tonight the plan was to have a lecture...
Excuse me. Mr. Worth.
I, uh, think we can still work something out.
After all, we still do have the plans.
What is all this discussion about plans?
Would you give Mr. Worth back the plans? Just give him back the plans.
Will you please tell me...
We can work it out.
Now, Adam...
what arrangements would you like to make?
Cash now, or we can help you do the job and split 50-50.
You pathetic clown.
Did you really think for one instant
that you could pull a job the magnitude
of the Commercial Bank and Trust Company
of Lowell, Massachusetts?
- All right, cash now? - Look around you.
Look at the men in this room.
They've engineered robberies three years in the making.
Everybody here is an engineer.
[man] Excuse me, Mr. Worth.
My family's waiting dinner. I have little kids at home.
Mr. Finley, come with me.
Now, our after-dinner entertainment this evening was to have been a lecture
by Mr. Finley on the inner workings of this.
Sit down, boys.
A brand-new safe.
[man] Oh, nice.
Equipped...
with the very latest...
double-pressure system.
But since we are in the presence of such estimable authorities
on the subject of cracksmanship as these...
I thought it might be more entertaining...
No offense, Mr. Finley...
If they were to demonstrate to us the various methods of penetrating it.
[chuckling]
And just to make it interesting...
don't you think it might be amusing
to place something of some insignificant value inside?
- Mmm? - Oh, yeah, nice.
Like for instance... Mr. Hill.
- Mr. Worth, this joke... - Me?
...has gone far enough!
Harry, where are those plans?
- I don't remember. - Don't play around.
Please give him the plans.
- Get in! - [chuckling] Oh, well...
Well, I don't feel like, uh...
I'm a large person. I wouldn't fit in there.
You should have a smaller person like him.
That's cruel.
- Red. - [arguing continues]
- I'm not gonna get in that safe. - Red.
Get in the safe, Walter.
Oh, no, I'm not getting in that safe.
Get in!
Very well. [sobs]
Now, Mr. Dighby,
one of the most attractive features of the double-pressure system...
Harry, would you please give him the plans?
Don't worry, I'll handle it.
...is that it makes the inside of the safe... airtight.
Completely...
airtight.
[Walter] It's dark in here!
Please feel free, Mr. Dighby, to use any tools that may be lying around.
There are quite a few over there. But... while you work,
you might begin thinking about telling me
where you put the photograph of my bank plans.
My God, Mr. Worth, he'll die in there!
There's not even 20 minutes of air in there.
Sixteen, to be exact, Mr. Finley.
We tried it with a chicken this afternoon,
but then, of course,
Mr. Hill might breathe a little heavier than a chicken, mightn't he?
[Walter] Harry!
Away you go, Mr. Dighby. Yes, go on.
[muttering]
Take this.
You put it in there and just bang it hard.
[chuckling]
I do not believe that I am watching this barbaric act of sadistic cruelty.
Walter, breathe slowly. Only every 30 seconds.
[Walter] Harry, would you give him the plans?
How's it coming along, Mr. Dighby?
Harry?
All right, all right, Mr. Worth.
We'll play it your way this time.
I'll get you the plans. You win.
I hate myself.
Oh, that's perfect.
Keep breathing slowly, Walter.
I'm coming.
Open the door!
[Worth] Ah, Mr. Dighby.
But you're soaking wet, Mr. Dighby.
Yes, well...
It's very muggy outside.
Very strange for this time of the year.
Well, the plans are yours.
- Can you, uh— Mr. Finley? - Mr. Finley.
Hurry. Hurry.
Walter! Oh, no! Oh, can you breathe?
- [gasping for air] - Can you— Oh!
Oh, give him some air.
You!
[screaming]
No! Stop it! Stop it! Please!
Stop it! This is enough!
That's enough! Mr. Worth, I appeal to you.
Haven't we seen enough senseless violence for one night?
She's right, boys. She's right, she's right.
Pick them up, and see them to the door.
Gentlemen!
I'm not through with you yet!
Please, please.
Please.
Now, get them out of my sight.
One moment! One moment, Mr. Worth.
One moment.
Mr. Worth, when someone comes into my life
and deliberately smashes everything that I've worked for,
well, I feel a definite and irrevocable responsibility
to kick that someone back.
Ohh, when I— Oh, and, and...
And make no mistake about it, Mr. Worth.
Make no mistake about it.
Oh, yes, indeed, you fancy yourself an intellectual,
a colorful scoundrel.
Well, you are not a scoundrel, Mr. Worth! You are a waste!
You are a pitiful waste, and I intend to stamp you out
with the same compassion that I have witnessed here tonight!
And as for you two...
pretending to believe in our cause
when all the while your only purpose was to use us...
I have nothing but contempt.
We accepted you as brothers,
and in return have been humiliated at the feet of vermin.
Our dreams have been shattered,
but more important, you have broken our hearts.
Harry, you're rotten! I'm gonna thrash you.
Oh, yeah?
Stop it, both of you! Stop it!
Stop it! If you must kill each other, do it later,
- but for now I need you. - What for?
For the Commercial Bank of Lowell, Massachusetts.
Adam Worth intends to rob that bank, but we're going to beat him to it!
I will not allow that money to be used for loose women,
for ruffled skirts and maintenance of a princely way of life
that should have been abolished centuries ago.
Not while children cry out for milk in the streets below us.
If that bank has to be robbed, then by God,
let it be robbed in the name of decency!
Let that money be taken from the exploiters who put it there
and returned to the people who need it!
All right, all those in favor of robbing this bank say aye!
[workers] Aye!
Now we are all— every single one of us, and you too...
are going to Massachusetts, by God!
I don't know how we're gonna do this,
but we are going to crack the toughest bank in America!
- I'm sorry, I'm sorry. - What's the matter with you?
You young people today have no respect.
I have a heavy bag.
Well, get rid of the heavy bag!
What's the matter with you, driver? Can't you wait till I sit down?
How long you worked for me?
How many times did I tell you don't start while I'm standing?
When I'm talking, you wait till I get down.
Well, I finally see you got here, Mr. Smith.
Well, it's a long walk from the railroad station, Miss Jones,
and these samples are heavy.
- [whispering] Did you get everything? - Everything.
The special knock.
- Did you get the drills? - I got 'em.
Oh, good.
You got 'em all?
Wonderful.
Drills, I mean, they're very important when it comes to opening a safe.
Opening a safe is not very easy,
so I want everyone to pay careful attention.
First, I will turn the combination...
uh, listening with my ear to the door.
And when I hear or feel
the right clicks with my fingertips,
then... good, good.
If not, we go right to the dynamite.
Now, um,
whose turn is it to dig?
We have a schedule.
Check the...
Okay, Harry and Lissa are doing the digging.
Walter is removing the dirt.
I'm gonna do the laundry, and the rest of us can sleep.
I will take Lissa's turn. Harry and I will dig.
Lissa, you get some rest.
That's very gallant of you, but actually I feel as though...
- Gallant! [laughing] - I have to do what's in my heart.
That's not gallant!
I mean, he's afraid of us being alone in that closet.
How dare you! That's a lie, that's not true.
Walter, I can read you like a book.
You can? When did you learn to read, Harry?
Get your hands off...
Shh! Come on in. Get the equipment.
- Harry— - Harry Dighby.
Give me that. Stop it.
You're mad!
You get some sleep.
Shh.
[locks door]
Please, do you mind?
Grow up.
What? He started it.
"He started it." Give me the tools.
He makes me so angry.
There's no time for getting angry.
He started it.
I'm so sick of hearing about you two.
Mr. Crisp, I do so appreciate your taking time after banking hours
to discuss my very real predicament.
The prime responsibility of any bank is to
service its customers at any hour of the day or night.
What was that?
It's probably Walter coming in for the dirt.
No, it was the door, it was the door.
[Crisp] Dear lady.
[locks door]
[gasps]
I'm sorry. Did I hurt you?
Mr. Crisp, I insist you treat me with respect.
I may be a lonely bankrupt widow, but I am a lady.
That's not Walter.
Please forgive me. Frightful accident. Frightening.
Come. Sit, please.
I extend the loan.
Mr. Crisp... please!
Thirty days.
Someone from the bank.
I knew that.
- Come here. - No, Mr. Crisp.
No. No, no!
Forty-five days.
Mr. Crisp, no. My God!
Can't you realize the position that I'm in?
Are you uncomfortable?
Oh, Mr. Crisp, please!
Sixty days, but that's as far as I go.
[woman] May I please have a drink of water?
Of course.
Don't get mad at me.
- Harry, open the door. - Go away.
Go away.
Harry, what are you doing?
[Crisp] Go away. You've got the wrong office.
Don't you disguise your voice. I know you're in there. Open the door!
- Is it your wife? - My wife?
Why did I promise his mother I'd take care of him?
Harry, open this door, or I'm gonna kick it in and choke you!
Hold it! Okay.
Six months. But I get to come to the farm on Sundays.
Oh! Oh, I-I must have the wrong office.
Get out. Get out!
What are they doing in that closet?
Waiting.
It'll take hours.
Sit down. Go on, sit down.
- God! - Be patient.
Eat an apple. Go ahead. Eat an apple.
When you finish that, I got a pear.
God!
No! I want it notarized, in my hand,
before we continue this discussion.
You drive a hard bargain, Mrs. Hawthorne.
[panting]
All right. Tomorrow evening.
First thing, same time, same place.
Yes.
- Yes? - Yes.
Right now I don't know
whether I'd rather blow his vault or burn down her barn.
I gotta figure this out.
We got a real, real problem. They're coming back tomorrow.
So how we gonna dig?
I'll take care of it. I promise.
How may I serve you, Miss Forsythe?
As a...
As a recently bereaved, but beloved mistress...
of a distinguished gentleman of means,
I find myself the benefactress of a large cash gift.
I must invest it quickly,
otherwise the gentleman's relatives, through legal means,
will attempt to take from me what is morally mine.
I made the man happy, Mr. Crisp.
Happy beyond his wildest expectations.
The money is mine.
Of course it is.
Mr. Crisp, would you...
Could you help me?
I would be deeply appreciative.
I'm sorry.
Dear lady, I would consider it a privilege.
Of course I will have to know the complete details of all your affairs...
[gasps] Oh!
No. I mean...
these...
delicate matters...
are best discussed after banking hours.
I understand what you mean...
monsieur.
I am at your disposal.
Shall we say... supper tomorrow night?
Oh, no! Why must we wait?
I was thinking more like perhaps tonight?
Oh, please. Please.
- Tonight? - Yes.
I shall rearrange a previous appointment.
Good, I have tickets to this evening's show.
We shall go together. Ah!
Oh! Oh.
Oh. Oh, dear. Oh, dear.
Well, perhaps then,
a late supper afterwards... monsieur.
Yes.
Enchante, Miss Forsythe.
Enchante.
Until ce soir, mam'selle.
Ce soir.
Good-bye, Mr. Crisp.
[groans]
[actor] Remember, tactfully, my handsome prince.
My daughter, Princess Flavia, has announced,
she will have none other for her husband but Prince Herbert,
whom she has not seen since she was a child.
[actor #2] Oh, fear not, we will be gentle.
[actor #3] But persistent.
[actor #1] Remember,
if there is no male heir to the throne by the time I die,
my kingdom will go to my evil brother Prince Malcolm.
[trumpet fanfare]
Oh, here she comes now.
Good luck, sirs.
Thank you, sire.
Oh, Father, how good of you to welcome me home from the convent.
♪ Remove your veils my daughter ♪
♪ And let us behold your ♪
♪ Beauty ♪
[vocalizing]
[gasps] Gloria Fontaine!
♪ Ah, the radiance ofa hundred suns ♪
♪ A thousand moons ♪
♪ A million stars is pale compared To the beauty ofher face ♪
[king] ♪ Such a lovely face ♪
Miss Forsythe? Miss Forsythe!
Mr. Crisp, what are you doing in there?
We'll be closing up in a little while. You better be going home.
I tell you she went in there 20 minutes ago.
Mrs. Crisp, are you in there?
No, wait, it's all right!
Miss Fontaine, time to close up.
Yes, I'm almost ready.
Would you get me a carriage, Herman?
Yes, ma'am.
Cabbie? Hey, cabbie!
Come on. Quick, hurry up.
Hurry up!
Go back to your hotel room, put on your prettiest peignoir,
go to sleep, and I'll be there before dawn, I promise.
Miss Fontaine?
I got you your cab ready, Miss Fontaine.
Thank you. Well, good night.
You couldn't steal the plans for a bank in Oklahoma, Harry?
That way even if we didn't get the money,
we'd have a chance to strike oil.
If we can get out of Concord Prison, we can get out of anywhere in the world.
Adam Worth's in town.
I saw him go into the theater across the street with his gang.
Gloria Fontaine's in the play. She let them in, I know.
She snuck them in after everyone was gone!
Wait! Wait. Go slow. I don't understand.
Adam Worth went into the theater with his gang.
I think Gloria Fontaine let them in. They're up to something.
What is he doing in the theater?
I don't know.
Since I'm sure he already has her autograph,
he must be digging a tunnel.
Exactly!
The theater is across the street, isn't it?
- Right. - We're going in from the top.
He's going in from the bottom.
How are we gonna get in, Harry?
Shh, someone's coming.
It's that Leary guy. Let's follow him.
What for? To find out where he's gonna dump the dirt?
We know how to do that.
True. But let's go into the theater. If he has dirt, there's a tunnel.
Let's go find it.
Isn't that exactly what I said upstairs?
- Yeah. - Come on, let's go.
Where are we?
Watch your head.
One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten.
We'll go through...
right here.
What do you think? Hour, hour and a half?
About an hour and a quarter.
We'll finish tomorrow night after the show.
Oh, and, Jack, remember,
we'll need the putty, the torch,
the number four dynamite package, lots of caps and the bicycle pump.
A bicycle pump? What's that for?
How should I know? But we got it.
We got everything.
Everybody. Harry and Walter, everyone.
Come on, let's discuss this one more time.
All right?
We go through the theater, get into the bank, blow the vault.
And get out before the curtain falls. Is that clear?
Excuse me, please. Lewis Hopkins, press.
We're doing a story on Miss Fontaine. We're cleared.
Flowers for Miss Fontaine.
Flowers, but they have— they need water.
[knocking on door]
Where can I find Miss Fontaine's dressing room?
Who are you?
I have a legal paper to serve on her.
Why, is she in trouble?
Her dog bit my client when he let her out of the carriage last night.
I don't know. You come back after the show.
Did you call the carriage?
Y-Yes.
Ah, that could make you an accessory.
An— An access— You follow me.
Mister? Mister!
I get a half. That's our deal.
That's our deal, yeah.
You get half. You get a nickel. Pardon me. Nice seeing you.
All right, one thin dime. One dime.
One thin dime to watch Miss Fontaine's glorious bosom rise and fall...
as she sings "The Glorious Kingdom of Love."
Ten cents, sir.
Here she is. Good, good.
- Which way? - I don't know.
Which way do we go?
[audience applauding]
[fanfare]
Gloria Fontaine in Lowell, Massachusetts.
The minute I read the review in the Boston paper,
I got on the first train. I don't like it.
He's somewhere around. I can feel it.
Billy, Billy, Billy.
Short of tidal wave,
earthquake or revolution...
the money that sits inside that vault is as safe as a babe in its mother's arms.
[grunting]
Watch your head.
Okay. [grunts]
[vocalizing]
[applause]
Watch that one right there.
Yeah, that's good. It's big enough.
Well, you wanted a bank, you got a bank.
Courtesy of Mr. Adam Worth.
Hold these, Mischa.
Here, here. Great. Give me a hand.
All right, you're doing great. Okay.
- Come on, Walter. - I'm coming, Harry.
Okay. [grunting]
[Harry] All right?
Who goes next?
Me? I'm next.
- Ready? Got her, Ben? - Yep.
♪ Till myprince returns ♪
♪ There'll be no king In my kingdom ♪
♪ Oflove ♪
Okay.
Just push up.
Will you watch it?
That's tremendous.
No, no, don't touch it.
Mischa, Mischa, check it out.
[Mischa] Harry, get the window pole.
[Harry] You're gonna open the safe with a window pole?
[Mischa] No, the alarm box. Hurry.
Okay.
The alarm box has four terminals.
How do you know that?
I can read.
Harry can read. Harry reads.
Open the box, but be careful. Don't touch the iron.
Be careful, Harry.
[ticking]
[Walter] Good, Harry.
Thank you. Wait, watch it.
[Chestnut] Harry?
[Walter] Be careful, Harry.
[ticking continues]
[Mischa] That's good.
Oh, that scared me.
I'm good at this 'cause I used to fish.
Rook to your queen three, Adam.
Knight to your queen five.
- Good. - Don't touch the iron.
It's off now, right? I can touch the iron.
Yeah. That's right.
[Hopkins] Now all we gotta do is get through the gate.
You get the torch and turn it on when I tell you to.
[orchestra]
Walter, give me the fire.
You be careful.
All right. Turn it on.
Give me that.
All right, watch yourself.
I know a lot about this. Give me the glasses.
[applause]
Slower tempo, Johann.
How wonderful it is to be home.
And as terribly lonely as it was in the convent,
I am glad I saved myself for you, my prince.
I have done almost as much for you, my darling.
Today our lives begin.
Watch out. Watch out.
Ahh! Thank you, thank you.
Very good, Harry.
Thank you. Everyone in.
Oh.
Now...
I am going to, uh, listen with my ear
to the, uh, door...
feeling with my fingertips and my ear
the right clicks.
And now... we'd better get the dynamite.
Oh, yes, Florence, Florence, the detonator.
- Now— - Shh, shh, please, shh.
♪ Every wish and fairy tale ♪
♪ Come true in our kingdom ♪
♪ Oflove ♪
I think they're singing the finale. Gloria and Prince what's-his-name.
- Herbert. - The show will be over in five minutes.
- Adam Worth will be here in ten. - There's no time!
Back to work. Here we go.
- What are you gonna do, Harry? - Just help me down here.
[orchestra]
♪ Every month will be spring In their kingdom oflove ♪
♪ All the heavens will sing In their kingdom oflove ♪
♪ Their crowns will be fashioned With stars from above ♪
♪ Every month will be spring ♪
♪ All the heavens will sing ♪
♪ In our beautiful kingdom ♪
Stop!
♪ You're making a terrible mistake ♪
[gong banging]
♪ He's not the real Prince Herbert ♪
♪ I am ♪
- [muttering] - Ben!
[Chestnut] Ben.
What are you... doing here?
[gasps]
♪ You may be wondering ♪
♪ What I'm doing here ♪
♪ In this kingdom ♪
[laughter]
♪ Oflove ♪
- Excuse me. - [cries out]
♪ Is this prince Annoying you, my dear ♪
- [quiet chattering] - ♪ In this kingdom— ♪
[Mischa] Hurry.
♪ So tell me all about yourself ♪
♪ What's been happening ♪
♪ While I'm gone ♪
[explosion]
- I don't think it worked. - [everyone chattering]
♪ You can hear ♪
♪ My army's coming soon ♪
♪ The castle walls are tumbling ♪
What? What?
♪ Every month will be spring All the heavens will sing ♪
♪ In our beautiful kingdom— ♪
Get me outta this!
What the heck are you doing here?
Harry, it didn't work.
- [Harry] What? - You have to do it again.
"The Kingdom of Love."
We have to get ourselves into the slave costume.
The Nubian slave costume.
- ♪ Hark ♪ - [laughing]
♪ Oh, hark ♪
[groans]
♪ My armies have broken Through your castle defenses ♪
- Just— - Bitch!
[Harry] And they'll soon be here to rescue us.
Is that not right, Othello, my personal Nubian...
♪ Slave ♪
You've been sleeping as stage manager!
There's a performance going on. Where's my makeup for the Nubian slave?
Just a second, master. We're having a bit of a problem.
[laughing]
My Nubian slave!
My... personal Nubian slave.
Yes?
You wait here. I shall return.
Make sure this impostor does not abduct fair princess...
[gasps]
♪ Fla-a-a-a-via ♪
♪ Keep her here At all costs ♪
Got it?
[applause]
[Worth] Rook to your king five.
Check and mate.
Well, gentlemen, shall we go to work?
[laughing]
Ho, ho, ho? That's in here?
[laughing]
Somehow we've gotta get the dynamite behind the door.
Behind the door, behind the door.
Behind— That's it!
That's it. What, what?
Behind the door. Now we know how to do it.
That Adam Worth is a genius.
- How simple, how beautiful. - What is it?
The bicycle pump, darling girl. The bicycle pump.
Ben, get the enamel pan and the putty from the tunnel.
Lewis, unwrap the dynamite and cook it with the torch.
Fill up all the cracks with, uh, putty.
Make a cup at the top with a little hole on the bottom.
Behind the door! I knew it!
♪ At last he's gone ♪
At last he's gone.
♪ I knows I looks like a slave, but see ♪
[laughing]
Be careful.
Be careful whatever you do.
That's the last of it, Mischa.
Lewis, be careful.
Strain it... with a handkerchief.
And pour it into the pitcher. Hurry.
I am the real prince! Darling!
[laughing]
Christ!
No, no, no, no!
I shall tell you the story of the young child
who was taken from his parents' carriage by the gypsies.
And brought to the forest where he was brought up by owls who...
Owls whoooo.
And wolves and sheep.
By alley cats— and I have the arrangement.
The arrangement? What kind of arrangement?
The arrangement is right here, and it will unravel this tale.
Play that for me, piano player.
And we'll straighten out the court.
[piano]
♪ I'm Herbert He's Filbert ♪
♪ I'm a couple of seconds older ♪
♪ The gypsies thought that he was me Even though I told her ♪
Gently.
We have to hurry.
♪ That's all I have to say ♪
♪ Maestro, take it away ♪
The ballet music.
Number 12, number 12.
[music, laughter]
It must be running late. The damn play's still on.
[Mischa] All we need is five more minutes.
I'm on my way.
Red, get in the front door, see what's happening.
[Mischa] That Adam Worth is a genius.
You see, by reversing the tube, you create a vacuum.
Instead of blowing, it draws the liquid.
With luck, it'll come down. Oh, that Adam Worth is a genius.
Keep pouring, keep pouring. No, no!
That's it! That's it! Look at this. We got it.
That's it.
[Walter] ♪ Here I am at last Where I belong ♪
♪ In the kingdom oflove ♪
♪ Now I'll have a chance To sing my song ♪
♪ In the kingdom oflove ♪
♪ We sing, we dance Wear baggypants ♪
[together] ♪ And a million disguises ♪
Hey, Nubian slave!
♪ La, la, la— ♪
I have news I care to share with you, ol' slave.
My armies, in a few minutes, will be victorious.
Your armies? You mean my armies! For I am the real Prince Herbert.
That's the first I heard that.
You weren't here when I explained.
Everybody heard when I explained. You're a duke.
- I'm a duke? - A duke, a duke!
- What's the matter? - I don't know.
My God, it's Leary.
Try it again. Try it again.
[laughing]
We did it. Come on!
[screaming]
[laughing]
[chattering]
Go, go, go!
Okay, Florence, you go down now.
Damn it! It's got to be one of these!
♪ On the sea of dreams I'll sail with you ♪
♪ In our kingdom oflove ♪
All right, boys.
♪ In our kingdom oflove ♪
♪ Joy and bliss will reign supreme ♪
♪ In this paradise we'll share ♪
♪ And together we will fashion crowns ♪
♪ From shining stars above ♪
♪ Every month will be spring ♪
♪ All the heavens will sing ♪
♪ In our beautiful kingdom ♪
Adam Worth, you and your associates are under arrest
for the robbery of the Commercial Bank and Trust Company.
I know this seems unusual,
but as you can plainly see, I'm on my way in, not out.
♪ In our beautiful kingdom ♪
♪ Oflove ♪
[applauding]
- Bravo! - More! More!
Giddap.
Thank you.
Here you are.
Thank you.
Here you are, my good man. Here you are.
[clears throat]
We should like
the best table in the joint.
Would you excuse me one moment, please.
Sure, make it quick.
Watch yourself. Watch yourself.
Harry.
It's all right.
- I've got my cane. - All right.
You're gonna leave quietly, aren't you, Harry?
Well, uh-uh.
[tapping on glass]
[everyone tapping on glasses]
[applauding]
Thank you, thank you.
Thank you. My partner.
Thank you.
Dighby, planned your next job yet?
No, no, no. We're— We're going to take a little time off.
We haven't worked out that yet. Oh, the wine— '79.
Mr. Hill, where did you learn to sing and dance like that?
Miss Chestnut...
may I have a word in private with you, please?
You are an extraordinary woman, Miss Chestnut.
Tell me...
is it your intention to continue in your life of high adventure?
Mr. Worth, our share of the money has been used to start what I hope...
will one day be the largest permanent milk fund in this city.
If you care to make a donation, I think you know our address.
Calmly, Miss Chestnut.
You've already won the war.
Shall we discuss the terms of the treaty?
Shall I tell you about the party?
She mentioned it.
She is a decadent woman, don't you think?
Yeah.
Finger bowl, sir. Refresh yourself.
My, my, my. You're a very healthy girl.
Walter. Excuse me.
Refresh yourself.
To us.
Partner, to us.
Lissa.
Where are you going?
Walter, don't worry. I'll be all right.
[sighs]
Nothing matters anymore.
Stop it. Look, I like her too. I'm not cryin'.
Look where we are.
This is probably the fanciest room in the whole world.
My life is over, Harry.
I always promised you we'd play a room like this someday.
Look, we own this joint. We can do it.
- Where's the music? - What music?
Don't give me that. You always carry the music.
I don't want to pull the music out.
- Aha! - I don't wanna take the music out.
Trust me, trust me.
- Harry, Harry— - Trust me.
Excuse me.
Excuse me, will you stop please?
Hey, they stopped. Great.
Can you play this?
This is an elegant place.
It's very complicated and...
♪ Dah, dah, dah, dah ♪
We can't do that here. We don't have our makeup...
- We can play it, sir. - You can play that?
Well, pick it up a little. A little more tempo.
I don't know whether we...
- ♪ I'm Harry ♪ - ♪ I'm Walter ♪
♪ It's wonderful to be here ♪
♪ We guarantee to put a smile On every face we see here ♪
- ♪ He's Harry ♪ - ♪ He's Walter ♪
♪ The billing doesn't matter ♪
♪ A team, a set, a pair If I'm the former ♪
♪ I'm the latter ♪
♪ We sing, we dance Wear baggypants and a million disguises ♪
- ♪ Light of foot ♪ - ♪ Sleight ofhand full of ♪
♪ Surprises ♪
- ♪ I'm Harry ♪ - ♪ I'm Walter ♪
♪ And now it's time to say ♪
♪ Maestro, take it away ♪
♪ You've got the ♪
♪ Right river but the wrong yacht ♪
♪ The right chowder but the wrong pot ♪
♪ You've got the right Foreign Legion But the wrong recruit ♪
♪ The right cigarillo But the wrong cheroot ♪
♪ You've got the right knickers But the wrong knees ♪
♪ The right carrots But the wrong peas ♪
♪ The right theater But the wrong seat ♪
♪ The right ankles But the wrong feet ♪
♪ The right cabin But the wrong class ♪
♪ The right vintage But the wrong glass ♪
♪ The right flounder But the wrong shad ♪
♪ The right mother But the wrong dad ♪
♪ The right paddle But the wrong creek ♪
♪ The right harem But the wrong sheikh ♪
♪ The right Monday But the wrong week ♪
♪ But write on ourgraves When we go ♪
♪ Nobody's perfect ♪
♪ Nobody we— ♪